6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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