Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
