Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
