Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
