:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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