only if we run a train.
done.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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