you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
