Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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