You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
