Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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