You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
COCAINE IS GR8
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
