he told me I talked like a deaf person
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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