I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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