My first STD was from a foam party
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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