yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
