Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
