What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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