Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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