Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
