I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
