Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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