i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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