All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Randomize
