Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
