Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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