Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
