That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Enjoy the penises
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
