It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
