How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
