Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
