If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
