I wanna bring you to show and tell
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
