your room smells of hookers.
And success
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
