I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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