dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
