my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize