marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
