She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
