my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
