he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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