Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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