hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize