To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
