I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize