Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
