i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
