absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
