I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
