mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do vagina's smell?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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