It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
