You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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