doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need water and some morals
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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