I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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