She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We had sex on a dog bed..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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