the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize