No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
