My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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