you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
