Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
