i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's the barista slut.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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