Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
