I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
