we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
