Midget sex pt 2 tonight
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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