I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize