omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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