Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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