Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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