evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
