a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize