fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
