Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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