I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
