you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
