i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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