It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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