I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
