Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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