I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize