He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
