Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
