i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
