So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
