I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Boobs speak an international language.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
