I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
