Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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