I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize