there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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