just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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