There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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