I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
