the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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