Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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