We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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