I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
