When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
