so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
