Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
