I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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