Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
