Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
