I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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