yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
