Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
