We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Welp...herpes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
