You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize