The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
