Screwed.edu
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
