just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
