watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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