i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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